Sunday, January 22, 2012

BLUE--All Things Blue

No idea when, or how it started. Goes back to the beginning, best I can recall. My beginning. Not the over all beginning. I couldn't know that, but suspect--however--that it just might be so. That it might date back, all the way back to the beginning. Of time, that is. 

See, I don't eat or drink anything that is blue.It sounds silly, crazy, ludicrous, whatever. It is what it is. If something is blue, I won't eat it. Won't drink it. It's more like, actually, I can't. The thought of doing so makes me gag. Choke. 

I once opened a watermelon dum-dum sucker. Stuffed that bad boy right into my mouth. I was talking. Not paying attention. The candy tasted awesome. Loved it. When I took a breath from whatever long-winded tale I was spinning, I removed the stick from my mouth, and my eyes opened wide. The ball of hard candy at the end was blue. Blue! It's watermelon flavored. When was the last time you saw a blue watermelon? Green rind. Red inside. Wet. Juicy. Black seeds. But blue? Blue? 

I threw out the dum-dum, and picked up the garbage pail. Held it under my face. I thought I might hurl. Didn't want to vomit in front of everyone. Wasn't sure I could help it. The thing was blue!

Let's not get me all wrong. Blue is actually my favorite color. I'm a NY Yankees fan. How could I not love blue? When it comes to food and drinks. Blue is out.

And I feel the loss.

In the summer, blue Gatorade looks so damned refreshing.

Birthday cakes, cupcakes are almost always decorated in blue frosting, or highlighted with blue frosting, spoiling the entire baked treat for me, myself and I.

You think I'm kidding, right? Just needed a spoof for a funny blog.

Not so. Not so at all. 

Facebook has a Blue Food Phobia page. Oh yeah. I joined. Didn't even realize it existed until I decided to write this blog.

Found this on the Internet:
"It is hard to find natural food with blue color, because mother nature does not produce blue food. Blue is said to be an appetite suppressant. Color greatly affects our hunger."--Takako Hara, "Hunger and Eating". California State University, Northridge/Spring 1997

I don't think the color has anything to do with appetite. If you know me, you know my appetite is hardly suppressed. Regardless, maybe blue does something to me. Affects me.

I don't have any clear direction for this blog. I am just -- hoping, to share with everyone -- trying to explain that blue food, blue drinks ... in short, they suck. I don't want to see them. Taste them. I do not want to drink them. Eat them.

Simply put, if I dated Smurfette -- she'd be one very unsatisfied girlfriend. See what I'm saying?

All right! Enjoy!
--Phillip Tomasso
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